Give me the book, yo!

I intentionally don’t reveal much about myself publicly. The few of you close to me know that I have been a huge pro wrestling fan since Hulk Hogan burst onto the scene in 1983. I was six years-old at the time. I had no chance. I was utterly and completely hooked by the amazing world of real-life superheroes and villains.

Flash forward a few years, and I was in the ring myself. My career took off quickly, every door I tested was unlocked. It was meant to be. I looked the part, and I was a natural in the ring. Sadly, my time between the ropes was cut short by illness and injury (suffered outside of the ring). I suppose being unable to continue in my dream job could have made wrestling hard to enjoy, but it didn’t. I still love pro wrestling, WWE specifically, and can’t help but talk about it now and then.

This is one of those times.

To make this post palatable, and since this is the internet – the undisputed world-wide portal for complaining about the things you love – I’m going to start off with my Top Fiv Wrestlemania booking blunders.

1. Triple vs. Sting – Wrestlemania 31

Totes evil company boss Triple H had beaten everyone that dared stand up to him. Flattened them like bugs beneath thousand-dollar rich guy loafers. He was unstoppable, inflicting his diabolical will on anyone that crossed his path  – right up until Sting, perennial purveyor of good, made a shocking return to wrestling to put Triple H in his place.

The build up to the match was excellent. Sting was positioned as WWE’s last, best hope. The fans were solidly behind the new sheriff in town.

And then Wrestlemania rolled around and it all fell apart.

After an extremely fun match that included several highlight reel-worthy spots and surprise appearances by Hulk Hogan, Shawn Michaels, Kevin Nash, Scott Hall and more, Sting lost. In unspectacular fashion.

It was a master’s class in terrible storytelling. Completely unsatisfying for the fans, and an insult to Sting’s tremendous legacy.

Theories abound as to why the finish went down the way it did. Some claim that Sting was just doing ‘right thing’ as it’s called in wresting – an exiting veteran putting over a star remaining on the roster. Some, and this is my personal theory as well, believe the finish was all about putting the final nail in the coffin of WWE’s long-time rival and Sting’s former (now defunct) employer, WCW – WWE symbolically beating WCW once and for all. It’s petty and bad business, but it’s hardly beyond the scope of believability that WWE would pull such a nonsensical stunt.

2. Shawn Michaels vs Undertaker – Wrestlemania 25 and 26

The match was billed as the ultimate battle between good (HBK) and evil (Undertaker).

Again, an absolutely fabulous build to the match at 25. Michaels hurling Bible verses, Undertaker being oh-so-evil.

And then the match happened. Easily one of the top five wrestling matches in wrestling history, marred by only by three absurd seconds.

For whatever reason, WWE decided that evil was going to win this battle. Is was heartbreaking for fans, and again, absolutely rubbish storytelling. Sane people don’t go to a movie to watch the Joker beat Batman, or Lex Luthor kill Superman. Good booking – especially at Wrestlemania, WWE’s marque event –  should leave fans feeling fulfilled, not gutted.

And what of the rematch?

Yep. Good ol’ HBK lost that one too. Then retired. He did finally stop dressing like a early nineties Lavender Lad with a biker fetish though, so I guess that’s something.

3. Undertaker’s Wrestlemania losses

Aside from being an cat-lady-crazy weirdo and possibly a zombie, Undertaker was known for one thing above all else: a decades-long undefeated streak at Wrestlemania.

At Wrestlemania 30, Brock Lesnar ended the streak.

I’m not one of those people who feel the streak needed to last forever, just that it needed to make sense when it ended.

Brock was already well-established as world-beating bad @$$. Beating the Undertaker did nothing for him, because he was already at the top of the heap.

Undertaker’s next, and possibly final loss if he is indeed retired, took place this year at Wrestlemania 33. Roman Reigns was man to put him down.

If Roman – whom WWE is desperate to establish as a top draw – had been the first and only man to beat Undertaker, it would have shocked the world. Beating a broken Undertaker is meaningless. It doesn’t enrage fans into hating Roman anymore than they already do, or establish him as a legitimate, world-beating hero.

4. The Rock vs Hulk Hogan – Wrestlemania 18

Find a way to see this match. It delivered in almost every way. The Toronto crowd was the definition of electric, and (to WWE’s dismay) solidly behind the villain, ‘Hollywood’ Hulk Hogan.

While the match ended with a disappointing loss for Hogan (who probably should have turned in the lead up to the match), it hardly mattered because the match was so overwhelmingly enjoyable. The real booking disaster took place in the main event.

Putting aside the fact that WWE expecting anyone to follow Hogan/Rock was coo-coo bananas, the main event was seemingly booked by interns.

In what can generously be called a mediocre match, Canadian favorite Chris Jericho lost the world championship to – you guessed it – Triple H.

Sometimes matches just don’t go as planned, it’s not a mortal sin to send fans away with a sub-par main event. Sending them away with a sloppily booked match that didn’t deliver a satisfying conclusion is confounding.

5. Missed Opportunities

Selecting a single match for the fifth spot wasn’t going to be hard. Hotter-than-the-sun AJ styles’ Wrestlemania debut match loss to Chris Jericho last year and freezing out of the title match this year – after carrying the company as champion for most of the year – would easily have taken the spot.

In any case, when it comes to Wrestlemania disappointments, what didn’t happen is almost as bad the flubs that did.

Every fan will have a different list, but my top two missed opportunities are:

Sting vs Undertaker – A hotly anticipated match for over a decade, both men were healthy and active in WWE for Wrestlemania 31. For whatever reason, WWE decided fans didn’t need to see this one go down.

Hogan vs Flair – The undisputed top draws in WWF and WCW during the 80’s were both in WWF for Wrestlemania 8. Instead of cashing in on this all-time dream match, we got Sid vs Hogan in a kinda/sorta dud (customary Sid match), and Savage vs Flair. Savage/Flair delivered in most respects, but it was hard to enjoy knowing that it was only taking place because a dream match was not.

There you have it.

Until next time, battle on, wrestle-maniacs!

Context, context, context!

People have a lot of questions about various Bible verses. Many of these questions are easily answered when one considers the context of the troublesome verse – the chapter in which it’s found, and it’s relationship to the rest of scripture.

Today, to make myself crazy (crazier?) I’m going to pick three and briefly unpack them – emphasis on briefly.

Question #1. God commands wives to submit to their husbands…. What!?!?

“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.”

This is probably the most commonly questioned and criticized verse in the Bible. When taken in context, however, what seems to be a master/servant relationship is revealed to be a beautiful expression of self-sacrificial love, respect and equality.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

See the difference?

Husbands are commanded to love their wives as equals. To put her interests and wellbeing above his own. To give his absolute best, and even give up his live for her if necessary – just as Christ did for all of us.

A wife that submits (to allow oneself to be subjected to some kind of treatment – thanks, dictionary.com) to her husband, is simply allowing herself to be treated as the most beloved, cherished, wonderful thing in the universe.

Seems like a pretty sweet deal to me.

Question #2. Does the Bible really say that [those engaging certain sexual acts unmentionable in Canada under penalty of law], won’t inherit the kingdom of God?

Yes, but…

The Bible also says that drunkards won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Or thieves. Or adulterers.

 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor [those engaging certain sexual acts unmentionable in Canada under penalty of law], nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.”

What do all of those forbidden actions have in common? They all damage the body, mind or spirit of ourselves and others.

There are times I’d like to check out of life and just get drunk off my @$$, over-eat, or let a smoking-hot bimbo drag me home with her, but I don’t, because those are destructive acts – and that’s the difference. Feeling like doing something doesn’t mean you have to do it.

The catastrophic physical damage that [certain sexual acts unmentionable in Canada under penalty of law], and alcoholism cause the human body are well-documented and indisputable. God doesn’t command anyone not to be ___ or not be an alcoholic, only to abstain from the destructive associated acts – because willfully destroying yourself is willfully destroying God prized creation, a creation made in His image.

Another key thing to remember is that, NOBODY, none of us, are righteous before God on our own, and therefore, not worthy to inherit His kingdom. Christ died to wipe our slates clean. The only way any of us will see eternal life is by accepting His free gift of salvation.

Question #3. Does Evolution fit in the Bible?

Nope.

And it doesn’t need to.

Acceptance of Evolution requires monumental, absurd leaps of faith completely unsupported by science. A library’s worth of books have been written trying to explain away the profound and irreconcilable discrepancies between evolution and the real word. Simply put, evolution doesn’t work. It can’t.

Acceptance of Creationism, on the other hand, requires no mental gymnastics. Without exception, the real, non-hoaxed, (Piltdown Man, etc, etc, etc.) evidence – the same evidence evolutionists must construct elaborate stories to fit within the framework of their world view, or ignore outright – supports both creationism, and the Biblical account of history – Noah’s flood, the exodus, etc.

Deep breath…

One of the major theories purporting to reconcile evolution with the Bible is the ‘days’ theory.

There are many variations, but the it all hinges a verse that says a day is as a thousand years to God, and thousand years as a day. Some believe this to mean that the six days of creation could each be a thousand years long (still nowhere near the billions of years required by evolution). Others believe that there may have been billions of years between the six days of creation. There are dozens of other theories as well, most are completely crazy – though quite entertaining.

Several times in scripture, Jesus himself references the Sabbath, the day God rested from the work of creation. Each time, Jesus is clearly referring to the days  as single, twenty-four hour days. So, as it must, when scripture interprets scripture, there is simply no room (and as briefly outlined, no need) for billions of years or evolution to fit within the six days of creation.

Believing in evolution is not a salvation issue – it’s just, you know, unsupported by evidence. Regardless of how you believe God got us here, we’re here, now, and that’s what important.

Peace out, homies.

The most hated man in the world is… me?

Five minutes browsing the daily news and I’ve come to one unmistakable conclusion: I am the worst person who ever lived, and maybe ‘literally’ Hitler.

I – and people like me – seem to check every box on the progressive left’s/Social Justice Warrior’s Public Enemies list:

Christian?

White?

Male?

Pro-life?

Meat-eater?

Straight?

Believe that marriage is a holy institution created by God, and that man has neither the right nor the authority to modify it?

Believe that men and women are different but equal, and that combining those differences creates an unbeatable team?

Pro-Wrestling fan?

Demand science be rooted in fact and the scientific method, thereby rejecting leftist pet theories like molecules-to-man evolution, man-made climate change, and gender fluidity/changeability?

Believe citizens have the right to bear arms (and bare arms in the summer), and defend themselves in equal measure to the force being used against them?

Creationist?

Believe in freedom of thought, speech and religion?

Believe parental rights supersede that of the state’s in raising your children?

Believe things like rape, murder, pedophilia, spousal abuse, theft, extortion, racism, mind-altering drugs, and forced religious conversion are abhorrent and have no place in civilized society?

Believe that borders need to be secure, and that immigrants need to follow immigration laws and be carefully screened?

Redheaded?

Pro-Israel?

If you answered YES to most or all of these questions, congratulations, you’re likely a sensible, rational, and well-adjusted person. You’re also leftist Public Enemy #1, so keep your eyes peeled for fascist ANTI-FAscism protesters, militant blue-haired feminists, and traitorous, spineless, ‘progressive’ politicians.

They’re coming for you. They’re coming for all of us!

Gack!

I’ll be packing and move to Parts Unknown if anyone needs me!